Dark Matter, And That Time I Think I Followed Ad-Rock to a Party

Life continues to be a little crazy, so I’ve got a short story for you as a lead up to the review, a story seemingly unrelated, but I’ll give you the bridge at the top. The review is for the strain Dark Matter, cultivated by Paul’s Boutique, which is somehow the first Paul’s strain I’ve decided to write up, even though I’ve had a several, and enjoyed nearly everything quite a bit. Some of this is because I try to write up what’s new and exciting, and by the time we were carrying Paul’s at the store I’d had most of it already. The other – and this is a huge feather for them I think – is that much of their lineup sells itself, so I’ve little need to emphasize or push it. But how will this connect to the story? Well, Paul’s Boutique is also the name of a Beastie Boys album, and…

I went to Bard College, famed Hudson Valley liberal arts institution from which Adam Yauch left before graduating to pursue a music career. And who was Adam Yauch you might ask? None other than the Beastie Boy known as MCA. Adam tragically passed away in 2012, but we Bardians are proud to be the college he dropped out of so that he could become the massive cultural influence that is/was the Beastie Boys, so much so that when he is talked about by the college’s administration, it’s as if he were a full-fledged, Bard-degree-bearing alumni.

But this story is about the other Adam of the Beastie Boys, Adam Horovitz, or Ad-Rock. One evening my freshman year, as I was walking to a party on campus with a friend, and as we were passing by the dining hall, she suddenly came to halt, stopping me in my tracks by reaching her arms out to catch my chest, like she were a mom driving a car, slamming on the breaks, and reaching to protect the person or groceries in the passenger seat.

“Holy shit, that’s Ad-Rock!” she whispered at me. It should be noted here that she was nearly always in a Beastie Boys hoodie.

Before us, walking in the same direction, probably 25 yards ahead, was a dude that – in the dim, orange light from the lamp posts – in fact did look like Ad-Rock. Now at this point in my Bard career, I knew a member of the Beastie Boys had spent some time at the school, but this was the 90’s and we were yet to have the ability to look anything up any time we wanted and from anywhere, so as far as I could recall, maybe it was Ad-Rock that had been a Bardian.

“Maybe he’s going to the party too!” she hissed excitedly. “Let’s follow him.”

“This isn’t creepy at all…” I may have intoned, or maybe just thought to myself. “Yeah, let’s.”

So we followed him, and as it was soon clear he was heading to the same party we were, we caught up to him. I always try to be cool with celebrities, so I let my friend do almost all the talking, but unless this guy was a professional Ad-Rock impersonator, turns out it was in fact him, and while I have forgotten some of the details – as I’m sure I had a few drinks and perhaps smoked some weed that night – he was there at the behest of a friend or a sibling, or a sibling’s friend or something. Rumor around the college was that his sister went to Bard, but for the purposes of this story I looked that up, and couldn’t quickly find anything conclusive, but his younger sister is a solid 5 years younger than me, so given that this was my freshman year, it seems unlikely that a 14 year-old was either a student or at this party. But word around the party was that Ad-Rock was there, so I’ll take that corroboration as near proof that this was in fact how it went down.

So that’s the time I’m pretty sure I met Ad-Rock of the Beastie Boys.

On to Dark Matter! Dark Matter is a cross of Cherry Thunderfuck (or Cherry Thunder Fuck) and Rusty Haze, which both sound like suggestive terms that are made up to be somewhere between shocking and hilarious. Cherry Thunderfuck – unsurprisingly – has Matanuska Thunder Fuck in its lineage, which itself a phenotype of Alaskan Thunder Fuck. Rusty Haze’s lineage is mostly from Central American landraces and Afghani. It’s an interesting genotype, and one that I might have guessed at having a fairly euphoric overall effect, but otherwise was unsure of going in. With a name like Dark Matter, I was also prepared for some heavy sleepies.

They’re good looking buds, with excellent bag appeal, which is doubly good as Paul’s Boutique packages their flower in mylar bags with windows, so you can see what you’re getting before you open it. The nugs are very orange, due to their roughly 50% coverage in pistils, beneath which is a pale to medium green, with occasional flecks of dark green sugar leaves. The buds are tight and tidy, dry, but sticky to the touch. They’re also dense as hell, but break apart easily enough, and grind very well.

For the aroma, which regulars know I love to talk about, it’s both complicated and direct. If you recall my review of First Class Gas from October, my wife helped me with the aggregated aroma on that one, which she described as “It’s the smell of the office at a [mechanic’s] garage, with wood paneling from the 60’s, but it’s been kept pretty clean.” Dark Matter evokes a very, very similar feel in the nose. Despite only having the individual notes of “Herbal” and “Sweet” in common, and even then noted at different levels, the overall takeaway smacks similarly. There’s less of a diesel-y quality to it, but that sweetness mingles with buttery, doughy nuttiness that reminds me of that background aroma of store-bought, pre-packaged donuts, and there’s a pungence that fills the gas/diesel void. It’s so interesting that such a different grouping of aroma notes came together to seem so similar. In fact, I had to go back to my notes and posts to be certain I’d in fact posted the strain that had that overall description, and that that wasn’t some misplaced memory of talking about this strain, even though this was much more recent. Smell and memory, it’s a hell of a thing, even when it’s confused.

The flavor was nothing to write home about (though I guess I’m writing about it, just not to home?), but wasn’t bad either. It brought out the bitter and sour tones a bit, underneath which there was a rich earthy and herbal quality. All of this muted as it burned down. So too did the quality of the smoke itself, moving from harsher to easier as the bowl burned.

The high did not disappoint. As predicted, euphoria was the top note. While not energizing, Dark Matter’s high was heady and uplifting, almost giggly. I found myself not so much distracted by things, but intensely interested in whatever it was that did draw my attention. This strikes me as an excellent high for creativity, if not experienced too late in the evening to otherwise feel productive. While not a terribly sleepy high, it is very calming, and I found it had a nice pain-relieving quality as well, lending itself to being quite restful. I’ll need to try this earlier in the day when I have the space and time to myself to confirm the productivity angle, but I’m optimistic.

As is usually the case, I very much recommend this strain, as I tend to avoid reviews for things I dislike. As a first review for a Paul’s Boutique cultivation, I’m happy it was a lesser-known strain (at least where I work). So much of Paul’s is high demand or at least has high name recognition, so I’m hoping that this sheds some light on some Dark Matter. And check it out, other than dropping names, this wasn’t all about the Beastie Boys.

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